April 28, 2017

Z Listers Bank on Sunny Marbella Weekend

Marbella
Marbella

Marbella was awash this Bank Holiday Weekend with Soap Stars, Singers and some very dubious fashion choices, oh and the Paparazzi.

You can do this with fizzy pop, but I guess it just wouldn't be the same
You can do this with fizzy pop, but I guess it just wouldn’t be the same

 The Paparazzi were out in force this weekend chasing after the whole cast of TOWIE, who are down here filming their 9th series, Professor Green and his “Made in Chelsea” girlfriend Millie Mackintosh, Chelsee Healy (Waterloo Road) and best pal Tulisa Contostavlos from N’Dubz and more recently X Factor judge.

Marbella has become notorious over the years for the two UK summer bank holidays which sees Easy Jet and Ryan Air bursting at the seams with badly dressed, overweight girls and muscle bound gangster wannabees mainly from Essex and Manchester.

Easy Jet and Ryan Air laden down with revellers
Easy Jet and Ryan Air
bursting at the seams

I would like to tell you that this new breed of Marbella tourist is completely stupid, and of course if you ask any one of the 10,000 that appeared out of the skies on Friday evening, what is the capital of Peru?, they will ask you either, what is a capital or who is Peru, but on the basis that nearly all of them have at least five grand of our lovely euros to drop on champagne and pizza for the weekend, clearly they are smarter than I am. I can’t remember the last time I had five grand to blow on a weekend’s slop, I’ll tell you when, never. Oh it’s Lima by the way, if you trailer trash are reading this, and Peru believe it or not, is a country in South America, it’s where Llamas come from…oh never mind.

Tulisa shows us her pool shoes
Tulisa shows us her pool shoes

As for female fashion, six inch high heals are clearly the choice for a gentle stroll through the Mediterranean surf and its quite acceptable to go out in you curlers? The men, and I use that term loosely, all look like Johnny Bravo, huge shoulders and chests with skinny little legs. Tattoos are obligatory, mainly tribal or famous quotes I’m positive they can’t read.

Thank God they have left our shores till August Bank Holiday when they will all be back for some more mind numbing music, crates of champagne and every sexually transmitted disease known to man. The worse thing is they have all gone back to Blighty to breed and create new generations of even thicker and totally rancid children whose idea of good TV is staying in to watch “The Valleys” a new reality show that makes the Towie lot look like Oxford Graduates.

Ah well, now that’s over and done with I can get back to writing about appalling art exhibitions, restaurants that should have never opened and Marbella Socialites and their constant envelope openings, hurrah life is so full and wondrous.

 

 

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